JuleJulie

I am probably the only one who thinks that the title of this blog entry is clever. Danes put jul in front of everything, for example "julehund" is Christmas dog, so JuleJulie is Christmas Julia in Danish...

It is becoming increasingly hard to write blog entries. My thoughts are becoming more complicated and my life is too full to possibly be able to mention everything that I do. I was going to wait until I had pictures to write this entry, but I leave for Paris the day after tomorrow and that will bring a whole new slew of thoughts and experiences to write about. Last Tuesday was one of the greatest days I have had here. The people still living in my housing (which during the semesters holds 30 people) were 3 danish RSAs (kinda like RAs but much cooler) and Grace and myself. One of the RSAs invited us to her school's Christmas party. Grace and I started out our afternoon by going to Tivoli. I think it is safe to say that there is no way to recreate Jul i Tivoli. Pictures cannot capture it, and words cannot describe it. You walk into the park and are smacked in the face with the magic of Christmas. Lights everywhere, Christmas trees, snow covering everything, laughing children, the scent of gløgg and æbleskiver, Christmas market atmosphere, little coal fires strategically placed around to warm your hands, nisser village, and the overall classic Tivoli charm. It was breathtaking.





At Tivoli we went to Wagamama for dinner and got Asian food with a very nice 25% student discount. We went home and really did not feel like going out but we did want to go to the parties so we forced ourselves to get ready. As soon as we were dressed we got more into the spirit of the evening. The semester students had left quite a large quantity of alcohol behind, so we opened a bottle of wine and were going to relax for a bit before facing the 15ºF temperatures outside. Our housing was freezing, and we ended up deciding (in a perfectly sober state of mind before the wine was even opened) that since our newly cleaned bathroom has heated floors and is the warmest place ever that it would be an acceptable room to spend Grace and my last night living together. We then realized that since all of our SRAs were out at the moment that we had the entire building to ourselves and we thought it was only appropriate to do all the things that we cannot normally do. We blasted our new favorite Danish music and ran down the halls and sang and screamed and even accidentally opened the "private" dwarf door at the end of our hallway. It was already the greatest time, and we had not even left yet. We took the Metro to Christianhavn and miraculously found the university. How it worked was each of the 9 departments were having their own Christmas themed party in their student cafe and you could walk around to all of them. Grace and I only made it to 7 of them, but it was unlike anything I have experienced in the states. There was one party with candles and people in powdered wigs, and another with white mesh curtains and old movie images flashing, one party everything was red, and another was a bunch of tables for talking. Finding the parties was almost as fun as going to them. The architecture party was upstairs in a building through their studio space, so we saw all their work and their models. We actually saw a lot of the university and different buildings and found the other side of the river that goes through Christiania. It was absolute danish craziness and it was amazing. We ended up going home at about 3 in the morning because we were getting so tired, but our SRA who invited us did not come home until 6am which I think is more typical. I do not know if I can go back to a country without university sponsored parties. They are so much more fun and so much safer and under control than USA house parties. They are also in central locations (since they are at the university) and because there is such good (at least better than in America) public transportation you do not have to deal with all the complications and potential stupidity that come with trying to get to parties in the first place. It was a wonderful night that really made it apparent how good of friends Grace and I have become. I am very sad that she is leaving Øster F, but happy she is staying the year and lives pretty close to me when we get back to California.



That is Squeegee Broom. Also, it is so cold that the lens of my camera fogs up when we go inside. It took us a while to realize why everything was so fuzzy in our inside pictures.

That was a longer post than I anticipated. A real JuleJulie post will come tomorrow. Right now I need to sleep. Oh København, jeg elsker dig.

I am Pro at Danish

This post is just to brag about how Danish I am (except not really). I bought a bike for really cheap and will ride it once the snow slows down a little bit. I did not go to the doctor for my foot because I am an idiot, but it seems to be getting better with time so if it still hurts after Christmas I am going to go have it checked. I promise. Going to go to Christmas in Tivoli today and after to my friend's university's Christmas party. I am still stressed, still homesick for the holidays, and still running on a little bit frayed emotions.

Here is my Danish final, I know that no one who reads this really speaks Danish, but after all, this IS my bragging post. I made this into a scrapbook type deal with lots of pictures. Maybe I will show it to you if you ask nicely when I get back to the states:


Hej. Jeg hedder Julia. Jeg kommer fra USA fra det nordlige California nær San Francisco fra byen Sunnyvale. Om sommeren bor jeg med mine forældre i Sunnyvale. Jeg studerer i byen Rohnert Park. Jeg studerer psykologi og pædagogik på universitetet Sonoma State. Jeg vil gerne være børnepsykolog og arbejde med børn, der er ikke lykkelig. Jeg vil gerne hjælpe dem med at vokse op godt. Jeg vil også gerne blive en mor og blive gift.
Min familie i er Sunnyvale. Min mor hedder Sylvia. Min far hedder Mike. Mine forældre er gift. Min mor er musiklærer. Min far arbejder også med musik. Jeg er ikke enebarn. Jeg har en storesøster. Min søster hedder Marjorie. Hun er 25 år. Hun studerer musik på universitetet i California. Jeg har også en kat og hun hedder Daisy.
Jeg er kommet til Danmark for at studere. I Danmark jeg studerer på DIS. I Danmark bor jeg i centrum på Københavns Universitet på DIS Shared Housing. Jeg bor i et gammel hospitalet. Det er smukt men der har været problemer fordi det er super gammel. Jeg kan godt lide mit danske hjem og jeg skal bo der hele året. I mit hus kan jeg godt lide slappe af, snakke med venner og sove. Om fredagen plejer jeg at gå til fest. Jeg er nødt til lave hjemmearbejde om søndagen. Til DIS tager jeg bussen eller går.
Den første weekend i Danmark var det min fødselsdag. Jeg var nitten år gammel, men nu jeg er tyve år. På min fødselsdag var vi i Frederiksborg slot om morgenen og i Tivoli om aftenen. Jeg har ikke spise dansk fødselsdagsmad men jeg var på Hard Rock Cafe og jeg spiste en California Burger.
Jeg kan godt lide min danske hjemkundskabsklasse fordi jeg godt kan lide dansk mad og jeg kan også godt lide at lave mad med mine venner. Jeg plejer at lave mad med min ven en gang om ugen. Vi ofte lave roer og gulerødder og frikadeller. Efter at have lavet mad spiser vi sammen. Det er hyggeligt.
I weekenden kan jeg godt lide at gå en tur. Jeg plejer at gå til Botanisk have først, dernæst til Nyboder, Kastellet, Den lille Havfrue (Hun var rejst til Kina, men hun er tilbage nu.), Amalienborg (Jeg vil gerne se dronningen, men jeg har ikke set hende endnu.), Kongens Nytorv, Strøget, og hjem igen. Jeg kan godt lide at København er lille.
Med DIS var jeg på Fyn i Danmark, i England, i Tyskland og i Sverige. På Fyn studerede vi pædagogik. I England studerede vi også pædagogik men i byen Greenwich vi så Johnny Depp! Efter London var jeg i byerne Windsor, Salisbury, og Liverpool uden DIS. I Sverige var jeg eventyrlysten med min ven Amanda. Vi tog til Tyskland for at se julemarkeder.
I november var jeg i Schweiz, Tyskland, Luxembourg, Belgien og Nederlandene. Jeg kan godt lide at rejse i Europa. Jeg rejste uden venner men jeg kan godt lide det. Jeg synes Schweiz er smuk.
Jeg kan godt lide at rejse men jeg var lykkelig for at komme hjem til København. Hver torsdag er jeg i en børnehave. Jeg tager to busser til Brønshøj for at lege med børn. Børnene er tre, fire, fem eller seks år gammel. Vi høre musik, male, spise frokost, synge, danse og hele tiden lege. Jeg kan godt lide at lege i sne.
Jeg elsker sne! Danmark er hvor jeg så min første sne. Jeg synes at sne er magisk.
Jeg kan også godt lide dansk juletid. Til jul skal jeg til Aalborg i Jylland. Min ven fra kirke og hendes familie bor i Aalborg og jeg er super spændt at besøge hende. Jeg savner juletid med min familie men jeg tror jul i Danmark er særligt. Efter jul skal jeg til Paris for at fejre Nytårsaften. Jeg skal rejse i Frankrig og Italien i januar indtil jeg er nødt til at komme hjem for at starte i skole.
Jeg kommer til at savne første semester men jeg kan godt lide ikke at sige farvel til Danmark. Jeg elsker Danmark og jeg tror maj vil komme for tidligt.

This Would Happen To Me

It is 4:30 in the morning, and tonight I cannot sleep not only because of my weird sleep schedule but because of the excruciating pain in my foot. Last night I walked in the snow and went dancing for several hours in 2 inch heels, which is a lot for someone is who already 6'2" and doesn't wear heels ever in the first place. My feet, and foot in general hurt last night, but I changed shoes and thought I was just sore from dancing. This morning I could barely walk on my right foot. I took ibuprofen and iced and elevated and it felt okay-ish if I wore my foot brace and my good running shoes. There is no sign of bruising, and I do not remember any trauma (besides trying to walk through the snow which is traumatic enough), but there is definite swelling. I cannot stand on my tip toes (a basic test anyone with a dancing background would perform) well, and if I try to stand on the ball of my right foot with all my weight I collapsed from the pain. If you touch the arch of my foot from underneath it sends a sharp throbbing pain through my foot and sometimes up to my ankle. There is obviously something wrong, and at home I would just have someone drive me to the ER. At home I would know how to deal. I have no idea how doctors work here, and I am guessing since NOTHING is open on Sundays that the doctor may not be also. I have been trying to research online if they even have emergency rooms and how they would work here, or if I should try to wait until Monday to schedule and appointment and figure that out. I do not know if I am blowing it out of proportion because I am freaked I do not know what to do and have no one to help me, or if I am pretending it is not as bad as it really is so that I do not have to consider breaking my travel plans and spending Christmas and New Years alone with an injury. I need to go to France and Italy in 2 weeks. I need to be able to walk around Europe. Heck, I need to be able to walk around Tivoli all day on Monday. I am completely overwhelmed and freaking out. Going to make a bi-monthly crying crisis call to my mother now. Moms always know what to do, even if they are 5,500 miles away.

EDIT: My mommy says I'm fine.

Vi Ses Semester Students

Tonight I cried a lot. Tonight was also fabulous. I know I have only known you for 4 months, but over these 4 months I have grown and experienced more with you than I have with almost any other group of people. Denmark will go on, but leaving are some people that have impacted me forever. Vi ses, but not hej hej.

Done With Finals! (kinda)

Everyone is leaving tomorrow or Sunday. Out of 800 students only 50 of us are here for the year so that means that 750 of the people I see every day are going away and I will most likely never see about 745 of them ever again. Tonight is the big end of the year party, right now there is a reception. I went to the reception for about 5 minutes and had a small glass of champagne, but I just feel very lethargic. I do not want to shower and get ready to look cute so that I can go to a club and dance and get gross again so a million people can take their picture with me. I want to say goodbye, but I know that it is going to be a ton of people drinking as much as humanly possible and sweating and having last minute hook-ups with whoever it is they have been flirting with all semester. There is quite a large percentage of semester students that I am just not on the same page as, I like to go out and have fun but I also like to remember my fun and not catch STD's. Sorry American Study Abroad Stereotype, I guess I just can't live up to your expectations.

I bought sweet and sour sauce and rice and chicken that I am going to make for dinner. Is it bad that I am more excited about eating something relatively Chinese than about drinking beer and dancing? I know I will have fun tonight, and I will get in the spirit and say goodbye to a bunch of really great people. I think what is really getting me down is the lack of laundry I have done so I have nothing cute to wear and having to take a shower while every other girl in the building is trying to fit in a shower time.

I am so thankful to not have to leave Denmark yet. I am not even halfway done.

Blizzard Burst My Bubble

Today is miserable and cold and too much snow and finals tomorrow and a project I haven't done and people in housing that are bothering me and a trip I have not planned and christmas presents that have not be bought and packages that have not been sent and bad dreams.

I am also very tired and kinda sick.

There is a group of people at the table next to me discussing everything they are excited for when they go home. I know that they are just trying to compensate for the fact that they have to leave and I get to stay in this amazing fabulous place but that doesn't mean I miss my friends, family, cats, or Chipotle any less.

I just went out for sushi with Alice at a restaurant a little boy from my practicum site's parents own. It was very good. It was kinda a goodbye lunch. First goodbye was not a fun one. Many more to come in the next two days.

I know I have no time to do anything but work and study, but I am really having problems trying to focus at DIS so I may go home and take a nap. I do not know if this weather qualifies as a blizzard, but this is how I always imagined one. I just want to go in my room and sleep and drink hot chocolate and read fun books and watch Christmas movies.

Please Burst My Bubble?

Okay Denmark, this is getting ridiculous. Will someone please force me back into reality because my mind seems to forget that there is a future that I need to be stressing about. I try to work and I end up doing nothing, or if I get motivated to do something I just go for pretty walks or hang out with good friends. Maybe this is what is meant by ignorance is bliss? Because my mind isn't wanting to use any logic I am just filled with joy all the time? Seriously, I just always feel like this:


Santa Lucia was very cool, not at all what we were expecting. It was only kayaks and they floated and sang and it was precious. After Sean and I walked down Strøget and there were carolers and we stopped at Illum (big department store) to look at their window displays and we were surrounded by lights and having meaningful conversation and just then it started snowing. I started to tear up because it was a moment of poetry.

Inspired by "It Won't Be Long" and a Dream

"It Won't Be Long" by The Beatles. Paul McCartney was the musical guest on SNL the other day, so of course they used him as much as possible in the sketches. I quite enjoyed that episode.

A dream I just had which included an old friend in California, probably not who the reader would automatically think of first, so be careful with your assumptions.

Anyways everyone is leaving and it is starting to get real that this semester is over, and I was thinking about it and I really don't have all that much to go home to. I was considering trying to organize some sort of Danish Party when I get home, but honestly who would I invite? I haven't seen my friends from school in a really long time and they all go far away from Sonoma over summer anyways. My best friend will be in Australia for a bit, then trying to get over her own re-entry culture shock. One of my really good friends has mysteriously stopped talking to me altogether and shows no interest in rebuilding our friendship, at least while I am abroad. My other friend at home spends that majority of her time with her boyfriend and will probably have some sort of prestigious internship. Senior year of high school I cut ties with all of my friends at my high school because I assumed that high school friends do not matter after college, and boy was I wrong. I do not know if it is our world's new fascination with community college, but I feel like in the social world I see around me high school friends are the most important that you have. This seems to be an even bigger deal when you think that most Danish people are in the same social groups they have been in since preschool.

I just reread that post, and it sounds completely ridiculous, but I am not going to delete it. The problem isn't that the people in my life at home are inadequate, it is that I have so much history at home and I let that drama get in the way. The life I left will be completely different from the life I am going home to. Two of my histories most important characters are gone from my present, but being home will most likely introduce them in new roles, which will be difficult for me to accept. I like to have close and sincere relationships, but I can be a lot to handle sometimes. If you think trying to keep up with my blog is exhausting, you could probably not even imagine the emotional rollercoaster and slight burden I can be. I have made some really good friends here, and most of them are leaving in less than a week. Every relationship I have here is healthy and wonderful and amazing and it seems to showcase in my mind how messed up my recent social life has been.

This post started out in my mind as "I want a boyfriend, possibly a young Paul McCartney, to miss me and count the days until I get home and we can be together." Buuuuuut, I don't have that. It is also hard to be abroad because I think I am in a place in my life where I could really use a boyfriend, and that isn't going to happen here because we would have to say goodbye and I hate goodbyes. I will definitely be rocking the single girl lifestyle until at least next fall, and I am okay with that, I just wish I had someone to go home to.

On a completely unrelated note, well actually very related, I miss my family. I only know one other girl who is here for a year who is not seeing her family for Christmas. I am not ready to go back at all, but if my family could just move here that would be great. This is probably twice as long as I have ever been away from home before, one of the perks of living only 2 hours away when I am at Sonoma. I am going to throw the most epic Danish themed sister night. We will just pretend that she is not blood-obligated to spend time with me.

NOW SOMETHING INTERESTING:
Today is Santa Lucia Day. She is a saint, and there is all this religious business attached with her in Sweden, but this is not Sweden, this is Denmark. In Denmark they started really celebrating Santa Lucia day to "bring light into the darkness" during WWII as a passive protest to German occupation. I am going to go down to the procession at Nyhavn and see her. I think she may come on a boat? I am not sure. I know that somehow the København Kayak Club is somehow involved. Someone also told me that sometimes the night before Santa Lucia you turn out the electric lights and light only candles (which isn't very different from the rest of my Danish candle-lit nights) but it greatly amused me because yesterday my building had the sketchiest power outage ever. We thought it was haunted, but I guess it was really Santa Lucia helping us find some light in the darkness.

Still loving life, still smiling big. We will see how my emotional state changes throughout the week with my final, project, and all my friends leaving to go home.

Everything is Perfect

I am so afraid of this moment ending. I do not want the semester students to leave. Everything is falling into place. I am so happy. I can not remember a time in my life where I have felt this calm and at peace with myself. I feel like this is all I have talked about for the past 2 weeks of blog posts, but I just can't get over it.

I got all my papers in, probably going to have very disappointing grades.

Friday I stayed home and watched Princess and the Frog with Grace while she worked on her model for architecture and then she fell asleep on my bed/couch next to me. Candles lit, warm cozy room, Disney movie, good friend, and chocolate. You can see why I think my life is so great.

Last night I went over to Bailey's house and then we went to Francis Pony, which is a very fun bar. I got to wear my lace sweatshirt which is my favorite article of clothing I have had in a while. I had a blast and got home at about 6am, which is typical for people who go out here, I just do not usually partake in nights that late. I try to be home by 3 or 4 at the latest.

Today I have not done much, but tonight I am going to Cosy Bar, which is a gay bar/club and one of my favorite places to go with my friend Sean. I really really really do not want him to go back home.

I feel like underneath my bliss is a constant glimmer of the old Julia who worries about everything, and right now she is worrying that this feeling will not last forever and at some point I have to get off cloud 9. Buuuut.... I am not going to worry about that right now.

I gave up a lot to be here, and for the first few months I was really wondering if the sacrifices I made in my personal life to get this opportunity were worth it. They absolutely were. 113 day in, 157 left to go. No regrets. Live in the moment.

Oh, I bought cheese because it had Christmas decorations on the package and I am a sucker for judging books by their covers... stinkiest cheese of my life. I do not know what to do with it. I tried to make grilled cheese and it melted to liquid and was all over the plate and fell out of the bread. I might invest in some beer and figure out how to make poor man's fondue or something. I just do not understand what this cheese is or what makes it Christmas-oriented.

My Journal of Personal Achievement

I had to write this for my Danish class. I think that writing it in 10 minutes at 4 in the morning is a good way to get a solid flow of subconscious truth.

" I already know that Denmark is the best thing that has ever happened to me. This past summer left me in a very vulnerable place in my life, and I knew that I needed a change. I was worried about having to make a life change at the same time as making a location change, but it worked out perfectly. Since I have been living in Copenhagen I have become a much stronger person than I ever thought possible. I have learned how to take my intrapersonal psychology knowledge and use it to realize my different emotions and triggers for those emotions. Even during bad times I am able to step back and realize why I am feeling homesick or why an easy task like grocery shopping is overwhelming in a foreign country. Being able to realize what makes times challenging has freed me to fully appreciate the happy times I have in my life.
Along with my Danish happiness I have discovered a part of me that loves adventure. I often settle into my comfort zones while I am at home. I follow a routine, and I live off color-coded schedules. Since I have been in Denmark I have spent a lot more time evaluating my priorities and I realized that this opportunity will present itself to me one time, and that time is right now. I do not have time to make lists of all the things I want to do, so I have started to go out and actually do things. Practicum really helped me learn to seize the moment because instead of the typical structured kindergartens in America I get to actually play and experience the children in the moment without having to worry about what activity will come next. This new attitude has made me more independent than I have ever been in my life. I travel alone, I go on walks alone, and I try new things without feeling the need to hide behind someone else.
Being away from the high stress environment I put myself in at home with academics and social pressures lets me be a person I like a lot more. A slightly boosted level of confidence, an increased knowledge of myself, and the willingness to sometimes be pushed outside my comfort zone are the main things I have gained in the past four months. I cannot wait to see what the next five have in store for me."

Oh Dear

An excerpt of the dialogue my Mind is having with the competitive American Social Norms I have been raised with.



Mind: I AM NOT MY GPA, GRADES DO NOT DEFINE ME! I AM NOT A TRANSCRIPT!
ASN: But Julia, let's be reasonable, don't you want to go to grad school?
Mind: Well... yeah... but there is so much more to life! Grad schools should want me because of who I am and my experience and passion!
ASN: Won't you look like you don't care if you slack off in undergrad?
Mind: But I do care! I am learning and I know that and that is all that should matter. I WANT TO CHANGE THE WORLD!
ASN: That isn't all that matters. How do you expect to be able to change the world if there are more qualified people going after the same jobs? The work you are doing now may seem mundane and pointless, but it is leading you on a path of good relationships with advisors and professors and graduating with honors which will make you more appealing to graduate schools so that you can get a Masters or maybe even a Doctorate which you will need in order to help people. Don't you want to help children Julia? Don't you want to inspire a generation that loves themselves?
Mind: ...
ASN: Now be a good girl and go write your papers.
Mind: SHUT UP! YOU DON'T KNOW ME

Official Paper Count

Official Paper Count:
1 History of Ballet Critique - Due Tomorrow, 2 pages
1 CMC Reflection - Due Tomorrow, 2 pages
1 Danish Reflection - Due Friday, 2 pages
1 History of Ballet Term Paper - Due Friday, 12-15 pages
1 Practicum Synthesis - Due Friday, 12-15 pages
1 Danish Paper to be turned into a book project - Due Friday, possibly next week??, probably 2-3 pages in DANISH.

Official Health Report:
1 Bad Cold that makes me feel like sleeping all day and coughing up a lung

I am tired of being in a country where I have absolutely NO immunity to my surroundings. I just sat down to write my 2 papers due tomorrow and I ended up falling asleep for 3 hours. Tomorrow we have our Child Development banquet. It will be nice and free food, but will take away from working time. I have never had a dead week that felt this much like actual death. I just need to light my candles, get in the write mindset (haha, pun), and thing about the immense partying that is going to happen on Friday when this week is finally over.

Christmas Market in Lübeck!

AKA the post where apparently the only adjective I could think of was "perfect". Maybe I will by a thesaurus for Christmas...

Yesterday instead of Pier 39 and my family Christmas party as per California traditions, I went to the Christmas Markets in Lübeck, Germany on a trip with DIS.

The bus ride there was about 4 hours (including ferry time). We watched Miracle on 34th Street, it was the remake and I am partial to the original, but it was the beginning of a day filled with thoughts of childhood Christmases with my Grandma. I tried to stay in the happy memories part of my mind but it did occasionally drift to how much I miss her, but remembering loved ones is always hard around the holidays.

We got to Lübeck and it was beautiful. Covered in snow but with blue skies, my favorite. The first market we went to was very little and consisted of a few food shops, a pony ride, and a giant ferris wheel! We paid the 4euro to go and was afraid it was going to be a rip off. It was the best thing we did all day. The wheel went around at least 6 times and paused for us at the top, and you could see the entire city complete with churches, the river, and snowy rooftops.




We got bratwurst for lunch and then went to a Christmas market in a huge church right next door. It had a maze of little cabins with different handmade crafts being sold. There was a lot of wood carvings and candles. The church itself is a beautiful medieval work of art. It was charming, warm, and had bathrooms. We lost a few people from our group in the crowd, but since we do not use our phones outside of Denmark typically because of huge roaming costs we did not bother trying to find them just then.



The next market we went to was along a shopping street and had all of the decorations you usually see on city streets in Europe, and then some! The stalls here were a lot of food and more mainstream things to buy (like hats and scarves). We ran into our lost group members and they told us to buy these fried dough pieces covered in powdered sugar. I am never going to eat doughnuts ever again when I go home. We are AMERICA, I feel like we should be the best at frying things in fat, but we simply aren't.



The next few markets included an "Enchanted Fairy-Tale Forest" which was similar to a mini San Jose Christmas in the Park but all the scenes are Brothers Grimm fairy tales. A Medieval Market that was like a tiny super classy Renn Faire. They sold a lot of cool jewelry and wine. We got some of the christmas punch with rum in it, apparently a lot of the stalls went too heavy on the rum, but luckily we picked one that made theirs really weak (probably just trying to rip us off) so ours was drinkable and quite tasty. Another market on the other side of the church that was prime shopping for cute ornaments and decorations, where I spent too much money but was happy with my purchases. Then back to the end of the shopping street market, where I saw this:



I had been seeing these all day in every shape and form, but this one was at least 35 feet tall. The absolute greatest thing about the holidays here is that they have all the things that my Grandma, and now my family has at Christmas time. Little straw angel wreaths and candles in the window are normal. Oodles of ornaments that remind me of ones that we have at home but I have never seen at other friends houses. I feel like I belong here. It is so weird because I am American, I am not Scandinavian American or German American. I have always wanted a culture to grab onto like families that are new immigrants or have a less mixed background. Being here makes me realize that something that is great about America is that we all are fresh immigrants. So we don't have thousands of years of history as a people, and we will never understand things like Denmark's "tribe" culture, but it's great because when your kids go to study abroad in December in a country by where her family originates from she will discover that she really is Swedish and German and she will no longer think that maybe you weren't just making it up! There are a lot of things that I want to buy here so that I can have them when I am older to share with my family at Christmastime. However, I could not bring myself to pay 50euro for a wooden candle spinny thing, even though it is something I have grown up with and want one of my own. Hmm, now I am having second thoughts. I think I am going back to Germany before Christmas, so I may have another chance if I decide that I really need one.

We went to the mall where I bought my sister something that may never make it back to the states and stay in my kitchen and stomach. We went to dinner with the big group from DIS at this restaurant that used to be a big deal for sailors to eat at, but is now super fancy with a great atmosphere. I think I read it was established in the 1400s. No big, I eat in places 300 years older than our country. They had really beautiful Christmas decorations. It was the perfect end to a German day filled with Christmas spirit!



The trip back home took 5 1/2 hours because the snow was so bad. We watched Love Actually and It's a Wonderful Life. I fell asleep during Love Actually which I was really sad about, but It's a Wonderful Life made me very happy. Usually bus movies suck, but all 3 of the ones we watched were perfect. After I walked home from Frue Plads (where the bus dropped us off) back home in perfectly falling snow. I love walking on fresh snow, it looks so pure and perfect. I went home and lit my advent candle and did some cleaning. It was the perfect day.

I really would have liked to blog about my last day of practicum, but I fear I missed my chance. It was bitter sweet. I love those kids so much and each one I interacted with changed my life. It is an experience I will never have ever again.

I have so many papers and so much work to do by Friday. After Friday I will only have 1 final left next week. Everyone is leaving soon. I need to finish planning my break. Everything is Christmasy and perfect, with a looming cloud of finals and goodbye right on the horizon.

Busy as a Bee

Today I had a day where I broke down in tears and just cried. However, unlike my recent homesick post I was crying because I was overwhelmed with how completely lucky I am.

Tears of joy is not something I experience often. Maybe occasionally at Disneyland fireworks, or alone at camp, maybe even a few shed when I saw the Matterhorn last month, but not like this. I just cannot get over what a wonderful opportunity I have been given. It is perfectly cliche to say that this once in a lifetime experience will change me forever and whatnot, but it is so so true.

I walk around outside and everything is covered with snow and decorations. The candles everywhere and just the spirit of the people feels like the holiday season. Instead of the stress and frustration that comes with Christmas imagine that moment right before you sing silent night at the candle light service on Christmas Eve, that is what it feels like all the time. The commercialism is still there, but because the holidays are not competing with religion it is enjoyed instead of criticized. I have yet to see any decorations that I look at and think are tacky, it feels like I am living in a story book.

The only criticisms I have heard about Denmark during Christmas time is that it is not religious enough. Probably because the culture is new to me, but I feel like Jul here has me reflecting a lot more about my faith. Despite the lack of manger scenes, I spend a lot more time thinking about how blessed I am. I spend more time enjoying my friends, and wishing that my family was here to enjoy it with me. I am not doing a very good job at articulating what I want to say right now, but Denmark at Christmas time feels like church on Christmas Eve without the need to impress all the friends you haven't seen for a year. It is full of community, soft lighting, meaningful conversations, and an overall sense of joy.

Tomorrow is my last day at practicum. We are supposed to have a snow storm. It is cool because it means that we will get to go sledding!... but, a snow storm? I am not sure how I feel about that. Copenhagen's fabulous transportation services definitely are lacking in the snow, it is taking people hours to get into the city from the suburbs for classes.

I bought tickets for my tavels over my winter break. I get back the day before classes start in January, 3 weeks in France and Italy. New Years in Paris with Grace. I am very excited.

Time to make dinner and light my advent candle. I was hoping that my family would get the advent candle that I bought them by today, but considering I still have not mailed the package that will not be happening. Sometimes I feel like a failure because I make all these big elaborate plans to send things to the states, but I still have postcards I have not mailed from my birthday at Tivoli. I am only human, and even if I bring everything home in a suitcase they will get their mail eventually.

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words.

Here is an essay on my life this week.

A Million Thoughts Rushing Through My Mind

And I all I am going to say is this: I am genuinely happy.

Funny isn't it? After being the girl who appears happy but is actually miserable for years, I have somehow transitioned into the girl who lets her petty problems overshadow the true joy in her heart.

Tak for Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving was absolutely perfect. I was going to go into a whole 5 page description of all the events of the day, but I do not have time to write it and with the holiday season rapidly approaching in the states you probably do not have time to read it. In the morning I went to my børnehave and played with the kids. We went on a field trip to the bibliotek for Mumitrold's 65th Føselsdag. Mumitrold is a Finnish book character who has since been turned into a television series, all the kids are in love with him. The kids had fun and we got cookies, but it was very stressful. At one point I was in charge of keeping them from escaping up the stairs and to sit there quietly, which is still quite a task without the language and when they see me now as a fun silent girl who likes to play and have fun. We went back to the class and had a delicious quiche for lunch, and then it was outside play time! Outside play time may seen normal, but it had been snowing straight for 3 days at this point and I was/am super in love with the snow. It was the best day I have had with the kids. Here are a few pictures, none with face of course so a lot of the really good ones I can show you in person when I get home. This is where I go every Thursday all day and one of my favorite things ever:






After practicum I met up with my friend Ashlee at Nørrebro Station (in my head I wrote that stay-shee-on like it is pronounced in Danish, it surprised me) and we went to her host family who live outside of Hellerup in one of the richest neighborhoods in Denmark. Think going from my practicum to this house like going from the Bronx to Manhattan, except neither that extreme because it IS a welfare state after all. Anyways, the house was beautiful. The walk from the train to the house was like out of a Halmark card. When we got home we started making food. We didn't eat until around 8:45 pm, but we had: turkey, stuffing, bacon, brussel sprouts with sauteed onions, homemade cranberry sauce, green beans, homemade rolls, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes with marshmellows, and sweet potato pie. It was all family recipes of Ashlee's and it was delicious. We told her family all about Thanksgiving and I realized what an American holiday it is. Here I am in a country that values cooking and eating together as a daily thing trying to explain why on one day a year we have to make an effort. Yes, our Thanksgiving is a grand gesture towards being thankful for what we have and spending time with family and loved ones, but it seems to be overcompensating for a culture that does not take time normally to do these things. I do not think that any Americans who think about pilgrims and native Americans after elementary school (unless they are going to a Thanksgiving-themed part the weekend after), so do not try to tell me that Thanksgiving is not about family and food. Leftovers was also a big discussion at our table. Danes do not typically do leftovers. Their fridges are too little and they do not typically like to waste. They make enough for what they want. They kept saying over and over how much food we had made, when really it seemed normal for Thanksgiving and maybe a little less than my family would have at home with one less person. We tried to explain turkey sandwiches and soup and leftovers for the coming weeks but it still sounded absolutely gluttonous. Other things we tried to explain were turduckens and tofurkey. All in all I love Thanksgiving and missed being home, but I had a day and night that I was truly thankful for the had all the elements I would want in Thanksgiving.




Bad parts of the day: I fell HARD on some snow in front of a bus of people and it was embarrassing and now my entire body is bruised. I saw some bad racial profiling by the train conductors on my way home, but it did distract from the fact that I had just realized that my ticket was no longer valid because I read it wrong and saved me $120. I just hope that the Middle Eastern man they escorted off the train had all of his paper work and gets an apology.

IOU

A post about Thanksgiving. A post about how stressed out I am. A post about Sweden.

Totally unrelated: allow me to analyze myself briefly. I say a lot of shallow things in order to protect how I really feel. I exaggerate life in order to make it compensate for the flaws I find in myself. I have a twisted sense of pride in my unhealthy psychological past because it lets me see how far I have come to be who I am now. I try to hold on to my past because it was easier to have an outlet for stress than have to deal with it in a healthy way. My identity right now is abstract and I cannot seem to piece together who I want to be. I cannot be who I want because what I want is still unhealthy, but now I know better.

Teaser for the blogs to come: Thanksgiving and Sweden were both perfect. This next week is going to be academic suicide.

No Peter Pan Here

You also know you are growing up when you have to google "What wine goes with Turkey?".

Snow Snow Snow

I change my reading to Celsius when it is cold so I do not feel like such a baby. IT IS 0º RIGHT NOW! <-- see, that sounds much more impressive than 32.

We had our first REAL snow. I took a walk in it and it was pure magic. There are lots of things that people do not tell you about snow. Things I am now an expert on because I have been in falling snow that I would tell someone who is not an expert:
- Snow is cold. You think that it should be like an ice cube, but it feels colder.
- There are different types of snow.
- It feels soft.
- It floats and swirls.
- It sparkles.
- It makes an amazing crunchy sound when you walk on it.
- It is sticky.
- It is slippery.
- It is magical.

Danish children play outside in all types of weather. I am secretly hoping that there is a fresh layer of snow tomorrow so that I can play with them in it. No one would play with me last night because they are all from the East Coast or boring and do not think that snow is the most amazing thing in the world. California, this whole not snowing thing may be a deal breaker for where I spend the rest of my life.



I secretly really want to watch the Thanksgiving Eve Service so that I can wallow in my homesickness for an hour and then get it out of my system, but it is at 4:30 in the morning and I have to wake up at 7:30. That should probably not happen.

Oh Hey Winter

Forecast says snow for the next few days, the perfect thing to go with my cold. I knew I was doomed, the children at my børnehave are chock-full of Danish germs that my body is not familiar with. Taking my vitamin C tablets and drinking my imported Dayquil. Plan for the day: Go to school for a million hours, come home and sleep, take some Nyquil and sleep some more, be better in the morning so I can play in snow.

Jeg savner mine forældre, min søster, mine kate, og Thanksgiving.

"I miss my parents, my sister, my cats, and Thanksgiving."

In Danish we learned "Jeg savner" which is "I miss" which was the most depressing class period of my life. After we were done saying what we miss now we went on to "Jeg kommer til at savne" which is "I am going to miss" and talked about everything we are going to miss once Denmark is over.

Studying abroad is really the stupidest thing ever. For the rest of my life I am going to miss Danish things. Even if I decided to stay here forever (which would not be allowed because of a new RIDICULOUS immigration system) then I would miss American things forever. I was so homesick yesterday it consumed me. I think that facebook also ruins study abroad. I am half toying with the idea of just not going on at all second semester. I think that this experience would be more rewarding if I did not have the constant connection to America, but then I remember that I am American and that those are my friends. Anyways, seeing every single person I am friends with on facebook being home for Thanksgiving and talking to each other about how they are going to see each other makes it worse. I know that facebook is a great way to keep in touch, and practically the only way I talk to people, but it is hard to already know you are missing out and then get the specifics of what you are missing out on. I watched the 11:15 Thanksgiving Sunday service online and I cried through that too. I think I am going to skip the Thanksgiving Eve Service viewing, it will just be too hard. That being said, I am going over to a girl from my core classes house for Thanksgiving, she lives with a host family so she is making it for them. It will be nice to cook with her and be with people, even if it is not what I am used to. I am very excited. It is supposed to snow on Thursday too! I am not going on any big extensive trip this weekend. I am going to stay home and clean and do my MASSIVE amounts of homework and just enjoy the season. I may go shopping in Sweden on a day trip, I need warm things.

Everyone I talk to is just completely defeated by school right now. I have a good 36 pages worth of papers due the first week of December, so I need to get a move on that. I also have a short paper due tomorrow that I thought was due Thursday. I may have to go to the doctor tomorrow, I do not want to.

SNOW!

I woke up and looked out my window and saw snow. Just a little on the ground, and now it is raining, but it is freezing cold. I am excited and then I remember that I do not know how to deal with temperatures like this. May have to go shopping tomorrow for some gloves, hats, and scarves so that I do not die.

Am I Allowed to Post 2 in 1 Night? Yes.

Okay, there are a million things I should be doing right now, but I am posting this.

This is my first dose of Christmas homesickness.

I am sad and grumpy and feel very alone. I have to accept that we grow up and people grow apart. That being said, every December my friends and I meet at Pier 39 for Christmas time. It started in Starfire with Cable Car Caroling, but it has served the same purpose since about junior year of high school that is did in later years. It centers us. It is a day when there is no need to party or go out or be with our boyfriends. It is friends reconnecting eating at the same places we always do and getting bath salts and remembering that no matter what happened that year and what mistakes we made or what fights we got into that we have each other and that we love each other. I am going to miss that this year.

Harry Potter og Dødsregalierne

Harry Potter was amazing. It was annoying that it was only half a movie. They should have just waited and released both halves at the same time. I want to see the rest.

I feel like every time I see Harry Potter the people in the theatre are my age. When I was 14, everyone seeing it was 14, now everyone in the theatre is 20. I think that this is because I fall in the "Harry Potter" age. The books were not really known until the 3rd one was released, which is when I was 9 years old. I was the age where I started out reading the books with my mom, but then as I got older I read them on my own. I caught up with the characters ages in the books, their final year of Hogwarts was released the summer before my final year of high school. The movies were also released when the characters were my age. I appreciate that new children are "discovering" the books, and that the series is enjoyed by all ages, but there is a span of about 5 years I think of kids born between 1987 and 1992 that have an unhealthy love of the story. We are the ones who waited for our Hogwarts letters and who were figuring out our own romantic awkwardness while the characters were sorting theirs out. We went to the midnight releases of the books, and know the routine of the 3 day June lockdown to finish the books before spoilers can be leaked. It is totally appropriate for university students to dress up like wizards and stay up all night to watch a movie even with a full day of classes ahead, because you EXPECT that everyone else in all your classes is doing the same thing.

Now that I am done telling the world that age has anything at all to do with loving Harry Potter (which it probably doesn't and I only see because of my skewed perspective), I was thinking about all my experiences with Harry Potter. HP and I have been through a lot together. It seems like I always see the movies with people who are important in my life at the time, which means I have seen Harry Potter movies with some pretty toxic people from my past. The books remind me of Starfire, church camp, and my grandmother's death. One of the happiest times of my summer was watching the 6th movie on the 4th of July with my then best friend, and look where that has ended? Harry Potter has been in my life for 11 years, over half of my life. What are we going to do after this summer when we have no more premieres to look forward to?

I Hate School, but I Love Danish Class

My Danish teacher brings us cake or cookies almost every class. Today she lit candles all around the room to make it hyggeligt. I also got an A- on my Danish oral midterm, which is amazing for how badly I did. How do I get A's in Danish when I am HORRIBLE at it, but Cs in my psych class. Oh, because I am completely in love with my Danish teacher and cannot stand my Psych teacher, that is how.

Random: I think that all of my friends are too ambitious. All the friends that I would be a bridesmaid for at their fun young-to-mid 20's wedding are not going to get married young. We are all going to go to college until we are 30 and be sensible and mature by the time we actually have time for men. No crazy bachelorette parties for me to plan, we will probably have a tea part or something instead. Marriage is something I have been thinking a lot about lately, like how I do not even have a boyfriend and there must be something wrong with me.

Apparently julefrokost (Christmas lunch) season is a big time for couple to cheat on each other in Denmark. Relationships are complicated things.

I'm Gone for 2 Weeks and the Entire Town Goes Crazy

There is not water running from fountains anywhere. My ice cream stand is selling churros. Paradis is CLOSED until like February.

I am sorry Copenhagen, but this is not acceptable. I know you gave us some Christmas decorations and finally finished the trippiest Abercrombie I have ever seen, but I miss my ice cream.

Grace and I have decided that what they are doing is changing the pipes in the fountains so that when they turn on they will flow chocolate, and they are saving all the ice cream to put underneath this chocolate.

I bought my tickets for opening night Harry Potter. I am very excited.

First Semester Travel Break

So I know the world of my blog never got caught up with England. In order to prevent that same situation this is how this post is going to work: I journaled all but the last 3 days (when I was with Caitlin in the Netherlands). I am going to choose 3 "sentences" (in quotes because I write horrible run-ons all the time) straight out of my journal that I think sum up the day. I will also post 2 pictures from the day. Each day will be labeled with the day number and the city I spent the majority of the time in/slept in.

31/10/10
Day 1: Geneva, Switzerland
We were given food and champagne and people were taking pictures of us like the paparazzi until we were actually on the plane. I walked across to the super fancy stores and decided I could be happy with a Rolex, but only if it has diamonds in place of the numbers. After dinner I went to my hostel and ate crunchy M&Ms and watched the Simpson's Treehouse of Horror in French.




1/11/10
Day 2: Lausanne, Switzerland
Got to Lausanne, put my luggage away, then spent 7 hours walking around the town. A man kissed up my arm. For dinner I had fresh backed bread and cheese, no complaints.




2/11/10
Day 3: Zermatt, Switzerland
Right now, I am in Zermatt at a restaurant about to eat cheese fondue in the Swiss Alps, if I could see the Matterhorn like would be perfect. Straight up out of Heidi. I walked around town just trying to take everything in, and it is just beyond precious.




3/11/10
Day 4: Zermatt --> Zurich, Switzerland
This morning when I woke up the sky was crystal clear and the Matterhorn was breath-taking and perfect. I miss my sketchy cabin of men in the Alps. Today was a little step back into the westernized world for me, which is fine, but not as charming.




4/11/10
Day 5: Zurich, Switzerland
I walked through the streets on my own and saw St. Peter's Church which has the biggest clock face in all of Europe, it was not very exciting. If I ever own a zoo I think it would be cool to have regional restaurants, like have an Outback Steakhouse by the kangaroos. I am sorry tastebuds, you will never have another Christmas season like this one.




5/11/10
Day 6: Karlsruhe, Germany
I felt like a badass, I was also petrified. When I realized my train had left and the next one to Karlsruhe-West was in an hour and I was about to pee my pants I searched for an ATM. Imagine rowing along in a little rowboat when BAM a 5 star luxury cruiseship pulls up an says "aw, you look tired, let me take care of you!"




6/11/10
Day 7: Frankfurt, Germany
The first thing that greeted me in the Frankfurt train station was a T-Rex and Velociraptor replica duo. I realized you can only shop for cheap if you like cheap things. I guess there was a car company having a ball because there were pretty lights and a red carpet and TV camera crews.




7/11/10
Day 8: Luxembourg
I have perfected "train picnics" to an art. Lots of castles on hills tat actually reminded me of when I was 5 and just when I would want to see it "Train". It was rainy and there are lots of hills, but it is gorgeous and the perfect mix on old and new.




8/11/10
Day 9: Luxembourg
I tried very hard to get to the modern art museum, but I could not for the life of my figure out how to get there. This possibly may be my favorite European city (after Copenhagen). One thing that is fun is you put tap water in a water bottle and after 20 minutes of walking around outside it is ice cold and nice to drink.




9/11/10
Day 10: Brussels, Belgium
I legitimately cannot understand why the name of a city changes in different languages, wherever I go I am Julia, even if you say it in a different language. To make myself feel better I pretended that it was my huge house and all the people working in the hotel were my servants. Je voudrais un streak-frites si vous plait.




10/11/10
Day 11: Brussels --> Bruges --> Brussels, Belgium
I was smitten with Bruges. I got chocolates and frites with mayonaise, and was fat and happy. The television was mocking me.




11/11/10 - 14/11/10
Days 12 - 15: Leiden and Amsterdam, The Netherlands
I do not have journal entries for these days, but they were fabulous. I stayed with Caitlin who was the greatest host I could have asked for. We spent all day Friday in Amsterdam and saw Anne Franks House, the Redlight District, and the "Heineken Experience". I ate all sorts of AMAZING things and learned way more than I would have if I had tried to do the city alone. Last night I took a night train (that I was on for 17 hours) but I got a free upgrade from normal chairs to a cabin with fold down beds, which was very nice and although cramped I slept very well and I was not robbed.